This article is not a sales pitch for insurance, but rather a sharing of a personal experience that I am living. It's the story of the fall of a great man whose caring and courage protected those around him.
I grew up in a very large family, being the youngest among a much older group of relatives. Over time, the distance in age became sorely evident as I soon became too accustomed to visiting our local funeral home and attending the big Irish parties that followed. What I remember the most about these gatherings was my Uncle Ray, who was always in the middle of all the laughter. A kind man who was committed to his family, he had the ability to bring everyone together, and always had them laughing with his quick wit.
Ray also had tremendous foresight and was a very good planner. He built up his savings over the years and carefully planned his days of retirement spent with my Aunt. His insistence on planning ahead eventually ended up being the difference that ensured the security of my Aunt Joyce.
About four years ago, Ray pulled me aside during a Sunday afternoon dinner and told me that trouble was brewing. He felt that he was losing his memory, and he was having a difficult time remembering what he was talking about in mid-sentence. He wanted me to become involved in his financial affairs and be ready for the day he couldn’t take care of himself.
Over the next three years, it became clear that Ray was in fact losing his memory. He was eventually diagnosed with vascular dementia, which is a disorder similar to Alzheimer’s. My Aunt Joyce, now eighty years old, was distraught and was seized with panic. The once very loving and mentally quick husband she had been married to for fifty years was now a very frustrated and increasingly angry person. When it was decided that he could no longer drive, Ray’s dementia blocked his ability to understand why. Soon, the time would finally come for him to move into an assisted living facility.
The facility that Ray moved into also had a dementia unit on the top floor, and we knew that the day would eventually come that he would be headed up there. This was not something that we were looking forward to, because it was a locked down unit, and he would no longer be able to come and go as he pleased.
Last Friday, we finally had no choice but to make the agonizing decision. The man who once held court, who had planned life so well, who had executed his plan, was moved upstairs to the dementia unit where he will spend the rest of his days. He will be safe, and we will make sure that he has everything that he needs to make his life pleasant and peaceful.
My Aunt spent most of her life with this wonderful man, and had no reason to assume that he wouldn't always be there for her. He had always provided for her and created a loving and safe environment. Without Ray, she started to experience the fear of the unknown, worry, and doubt.
However, it was Ray's future planning that reassured her and guaranteed that she would always be safe. After accumulating enough savings for their retirement, he had set up an excellent set of estate planning documents in conjunction with proper insurance coverage. This gave us the ability to make the decisions for him when he could not do so for himself, and to the make the changes necessary to protect the savings that Ray created for my Aunt. The Long Term Care Insurance that he bought is now protecting the assets that he built over a lifetime. Considering that Ray’s assisted living facility costs $100,000 per year, this was obviously a great decision on his behalf.
The last four years have been heartbreaking and agonizing, to say the least. It has been a whirlwind of emotion, stress, and sadness. What kept me intact were Ray’s explicit instructions, and knowing that everything was in place to allow me to follow them. He stared the future dead on, and had the courage to acknowledge what might be coming. He took action, and communicated his wishes clearly.
I share this to all as a cautionary tale. If I could convince everyone to consider the following advice, I am certain that it would save at least one person from financial disaster and heartache. Consider making it a goal to accomplish the following within thirty days from now;
- Consult with a reputable estate planning attorney. Estate planning is a specialty, so you may want to avoid an attorney that offers multiple services. Look for an attorney that provides only estate planning. Have the attorney draw up a Durable Power of Attorney, Living Will, Health Care Proxy, Will, and Family Trust. Done correctly, this provides your designated proxy the ability to make future decisions for you if cannot do so yourself.
- Purchase Long Term Care Insurance. Get Life Time Benefits coverage if you can with a good inflation rider.
- Communicate and talk openly with the people you designate about your wishes.
- Pick people that have the ability to implement your wishes and navigate the legal and insurance system. This is easier said than done, but is very important.
My Uncle Ray was and still is very special to me. Think of the people in your family; how special are you to them? What would happen to them if you became incapacitated? What plans do you have in place? Please know the more you do now, the better both you and your loved ones will be down the road.
I hope you find this helpful.
Chris Hawthorne is a Licensed Insurance Advisor, Licensed Insurance Broker and is available to assist you. He represents Thomas Gregory Associates Insurance Agency, Inc. If you have questions you would like to see addressed please contact him at 781-914-1038 or chawthorne@thomasgregory.com